No Need to Hide the Neediness

Hmm. So God is working through a lot of pride in my life. He's working though a crap-load of stuff right now, actually. But this post is gonna be about how he is stripping away some pride and bad habits in my life. When I feel needy, I mask my needs because it makes me feel exposed, weak, and I feel like I’m a hassle for others to deal with. This week has been one of the worst weeks that I can remember and my emotions are not at all what I expected them to be in response to crappy stuff coming up. No relief - only pain, grief, loneliness, with a hint of unhealthy regret. Multiple times, I've found myself utterly helpless, needy, and exposed to vulnerability at its finest. I cannot control my emotions in front of other people. I'm usually pretty good at that but it comes at a dangerous cost. I've found myself in the hands of others, feeling so weak and challenged with the reality that I need their help and I cannot hide my neediness from them. Dang. I need help. Shoot, I'm weaker than I thought. Crap, I'm a mess and I cannot work through things on my own.

The thing is - I know the truth. I know God will gradually heal me. I know He is gonna be faithful to me (as He always has been) and use this to strengthen my trust in Him. But the thing is, I am super weak and needy right now and as much truth as I know to be true, I still need help. I just do.

The girls that I'm supposed to be building into are building into me. I'm supposed to be asking them how their lives are going and instead, they are asking me. Multiple staff members are loving-on me like crazy. I'm a broken, messy, weak person. The great thing is that I don't need to hide my neediness. I don't need to be strong. I need to rely on God's strength because I ain't got nothin’. It's okay for me to ask for help and accept it when it's offered. God placed me in a community that follows Christ's example (not perfectly, no) and is allowing me to go to my brothers and sisters in Christ during this time. There is something beautiful about being sweetly broken within the body of Christ. A mess, exposed, vulnerable, weak, humbled - and that is completely okay to be all of those things.

Jesus did not mask his emotions, pain, and agony to his disciples. Rather, he shared his emotions and pain with them. He asked them to pray for him and be with him during times of distress. See the reference here. If we, as the body of Christ want to follow Jesus' example, this is one way that we can. Within many churches, we rarely express our deepest pain and neediness. We don't ask for help. When we remember where our righteousness comes from and where our true identity lies in Christ, we are free to struggle. Hallelujah!